Mama Mermaid
My dreams of breathing underwater, she tells me
Are actually ancestral memories
She has arrived in my life to remind me
Of more wisdom from the brine
It turns out that ache in my mid back
Right around my kidneys
That sometimes erupts in itchy bumps
Is a reminder of my dorsal fin
She assures me that my compulsion to live near water
Is wise
For my legs will shrivel
And my bones will become brittle
If I don’t submerge myself regularly
In the sacred waters
And absorb their wisdom
She tells me of her ancestors
Who heard the call of the waters
And were given the gift of fins
And gills
As they gradually remained longer and longer
In the sea
She tells me of the constant draw to return to land
Much to their detriment
As land dwellers always seemed to want to own or destroy
What they could not understand
She reminds me of my dream
More vivid than waking reality
Of falling in love with a land dweller
And the lifetime of suffering I endured
Never able to leave the crossroads of that choice
Between my lover and the sea
She reminds me that I face similar crossroads now
And have done so many times before
At times choosing the lover
At other times choosing the sea
Always experiencing one love blossom
While the other fades
She reminds me I can hold the grief of loss
And the joy of new growth
In two hands
At the same time
I can breath underwater
And in the air
I can sink roots into the earth
And grow fins
I can love everything and everyone
And choose a path that weaves
Closer to some and farther away from others
I can listen to my ancestors stories
And discover that I did choose that other thread
The one I had difficulty setting down
To choose the one I followed
I chose it before
Walking in one of my ancestors feet
Or swimming in her fins
And this is why that thread felt so familiar
So much like home
That it was hard to set it aside
I can grieve today
For that path I did not take
But when I remember my ancestors
The grief changes to celebration
For all of the stories I hold in my bones
I can celebrate the impossibility of repeating anything
Exactly
This imperative to find the new thread
Holding me to my unique path now
Sama Morningstar hosts weekly Writing from the Womb Workshops where this and other writings published in this blog are birthed. Join us here:
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/writing-from-the-womb-tickets-128038954961