Gazing into my own infant eyes
I see
Feel
The vastness of Divine Love
We all hunger for
And my own panic
That the main channel
Of transmitting this Love
From infant to mother
During breastfeeding
Through the eyes
Was thwarted
My anguished cries ignored
Not just my cries
But generations of infants
Whose sole/soul purpose
Was to transmit this Love
Blocked by misguided
Profit driven
Shame
Now in the face
Of the natural consequences
The apocalyptic outcome
Of such obvious self destruction
I remember
I hear those cries
Through time
Scoop up my infant self
"I am here now
Here to help you"
I latch on to my own breast
Barely able to relax
Even after satiation
For fear of being ignored once more
I hold myself
Until my infant eyes
Open
Remembering their mission
Calling me to see
To receive
The natural completion
Of this cycle of nourishment
I see the infinite universe
In my own infant eyes
This infinity travels
Into my eyes
Encountering the tight spaces
In my jaw, neck, heart
Softening, opening, expanding
Rich, open darkness
Like chocolate melting my tension
With ecstatic heat
Tears wash away
The mask of have to's and must do's
From my cheeks
I return to singing
Quiet songs of beauty
Into the hours I was left alone
As an infant
Hungering for milk
Connection
And to fulfill my purpose
I sing a song
Of sweet reclammation
Of this birthright
Of deliverance
I am transported
With my whole family of selves
Infant, 3 year old, 49 year old
To our ancient ancestral grandmother's
Cave
We gather around the fire
For storytime
She tells us of Cosmic Mother
We see her reaching down
Placing a star
Inside each of us
Teaching us how to nourish this star
Keeping it glowing
She shows us Earth
Mother
Radiating life
Through every plant
Every stone
Every patch of grass
And soft earth
She teaches us how
To receive this gift
Through our feet
Our wombs
Our mouths
My 3 year old
And 8 year old selves
Play in the orchard forest
Outside the cave
With all of the child ancestors
Laughing
In the celestial light
Filtering through the leaves and branches
While grandmother reminds me how to laugh
At the passing human delusions
That though they may play with violence, death, and suffering
Will never extinguish her power
To replenish, regenerate, harmonize, restore
She places her hand on my shoulder
Feeding me strong medicine from a clay pot
She rubs some of this medicine
On my infant self's belly, chest, forehead
Giving each child a spoonful
As they return to the cave
To cuddle around the fire
We sit listening
To the crackling fire
And our breath
It gets so quiet
We can hear all of the ancestors
Who have ever found themselves
In this cave with Grandmother
Gathering around us silently holding vigil
As all of my lostness
My despair
My loneliness
My hopelessness
Comes home to this fire
And is loved
Sama Morningstar is the founder of the Womb Centered Healing Temple and transmission conduit for the Bio-Mystical Womb body of work. She would like to acknowledge several precious influencers whose collaborative support contributed to the experiences expressed in this poem.
Firstly, Sabrina Ourania, whose recent interview on the Womb Centered Healing Podcast rekindled Sama's healing journey around insufficient breastfeeding in infancy. Here is the podcast:
Secondly, Sama would like to thank Emmi Mutale for her skillful holding through these tender healing processes. Readers may learn more about Emmi's work here: https://femininerevered.com/
And if you would like to learn more about the Bio-Mystical Womb Apprenticeship program, please visit this page: https://www.samamorningstar.com/bio-mystical-womb-healing-apprentic