This meeting with my spirit guide today in my womb space made me feel anxious. I was suddenly, for the first time, uncertain of her as the energy felt different than it usually does. I asked her if she wanted to be here with me now. She affirmed that she did. I realized that I had never asked if there was something I could do for her. Fifty years of seeking her guidance and support and I never once offered my support to her.
She acknowledged my distress at this realization and assured me there was not anything she needs at the moment other than my enjoyment and desire of her presence.
This makes me think of my father who was always there for me. I don't remember ever having anything to offer him other than being his daughter. He gave me so much and loved me through much suffering that I brought to him as a rebellious teenager and adolescent.
I have been feeling acutely aware of my own mortality of late. It is enlightening and freeing though at times a bit distressing as it seems to be so close. It is enlightening in the sense that I am not taking life for granted right now and cherishing each moment. I find I am not bogged down in daily routines and needing to have things happen a certain way . This is very freeing.
While I am enjoying life more and more from this free and flowing place there is distress in realizing how much time has passed and how little is left. The days pass like minutes and weeks go by far too quickly.
Time is elusive, fleeting and never to be held onto. What impact do I actually have on our world our Mother Earth. Will I be remembered after I am gone, fondly, inspiring of love and respect, or will I pass quickly and quietly barely remembered but for the children and grandchildren I leave behind? I feel I have more to offer but still am unsure what that is. Perhaps I will never know and I just must trust that whatever it is that I am to leave behind will come to be even if I never know it.
I am on the road of my ancestors who have gone before. It is a dirt road well traveled through the woods. There are paths turning off to one side and the other that I can take but I have never turned off the path that has always seemed to be the main path. Perhaps that is what was intended. What life is happening down those side paths I will not know but I feel that my ancestors have traveled these other paths. There is only this path for me, though they come into my path and walk with me regularly. Is this what it means to cross paths with another? I am crossing the paths of my ancestors and feeling their influence on my being. They bring me peace and a sense of self as significant.
Time keeps me on this path and someday I will wander more freely and walk along the path with my descendents as a light and a guide. Life flows unending as does time. How fresh to be unconstrained by a physical body, to move out of time and space. Death is merely the opening of the door to meld with life in a new way as easily as air flows in a breeze and fragrance wafts across the room. To be without concern for the mundane physical necessity of my physicality. Limited and limitless standing as singular and one with all that is.
Such a gift it is relating to and beholding my ancestors. Their paths I walk and my path they cross as they support and direct with their loving energy.